The Reason
by PinkSunset925
Summary: A short little one-shot about Natalia Shepard, and her feelings after Horizon.


**Hi everyone! I know, I haven't updated/posted in a while. I am so sorry about that. Anyway, I decided to write an angsty/dramatic piece. I don't know, the idea just sort of hit me. So this is a little one shot I wrote. It takes place after the Horizon reunion. Anyway, here is my first one-shot. **

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><p><strong>"The Reason"<strong>

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><p><em>"Pain, misery, sorrow, no hope."<em> Natalia Shepard closed her eyes, and let her head rest on her hands.

_"Be strong Natalia. No matter what."_ Her mother always said to her. It now turned into a mere whispered echo in her mind.

Natalia breathed in a slow, steady breath, and then the first teardrop fell. She tried to be strong, she really tried.

The tear slowly trickled down her warm tan skin, feeling every particle of skin possible.

_"You know Skipper, I heard that Whiskey helps take away the pain..." _Natalia remembered Ash saying in her, cheerful, happy, yet professional tone.

_"Whiskey hmph? That simple?" _Natalia thought fighting back another tear. _"Anything but this pain." _She thought placing a hand on her aching heart.

With no hesitation, Natalia leisurely got up from her chair, and trudged to her cabinet.

Her arm went up to the cabinet, as if it was covered in molasses. She snatched the bottle of whiskey from the cabinet, and viciously ripped the top off, tossing it carelessly across the room.

Natalia brought the bottle to her lips, and drank a delicate, gentle sip.

_"Why isn't it working?" _Natalia thought to herself in a frustrated matter. Before she could think, another tear escaped, this time it dashed down her face.

Natalia brought the bottle back up to her lips, however this time she took a generous, angered chug.

She grasped the bottle tightly, bringing it with her, to her bed.

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><p>Natalia slammed the bottle of Whiskey onto her nightstand, nearly breaking it.<p>

She took a deep breath, sighed, and brought her knees to her chest and remained there.

She looked up at the window above her, into the stars. Natalia remained there, letting the low hum of The Normandy replace the would-be silence. She let her thoughts and memories just take over.

_"Shepard, you make me feel...human." _Kaidan's husky voice fill her mind.

The thought of what they used to have was now gone brought so much pain, but now that it turned into reality, made it unbearable.

Another tear danced it's way down her cheek, sliding down her neck, seeping into her dark grey tank top.

_"Goodbye Shepard, and be careful." _She remembered him say as he turned around and left her standing there.

Natalia thought. _"What we had is...gone." _Natalia thought, having difficulty fathoming the concept. She let it sink in.

Her breathing gradually started to heavy, and become shallow. Natalia sprung up from out of the bed, and started pacing furiously across the room.

"No, it can't be real! It can't be over..." Natalia said aloud throwing her arms into the air with confused anger.

She made her way over to the nightstand and clutched the bottle.

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><p>This time Natalia threw the bottle against her lips and drank until there was no more.<p>

She pulled the now empty bottle away from her lips, and grunted with frustration as she realized it was empty. She took the bottle, and flung it across the room with anger. The bottle made a crashing sound as it shattered, leaving tiny pieces of glass scattered across the floor. The pieces of shattered glass sparkled and shined in the light of her desk lamp.

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><p><em>"You know Shep, you don't always have to be so strong..." <em>She recalled Kasumi saying to her as she pulled her into a hug.

Right now Natalia tried to stay strong. She _wanted _to stay strong, but she just couldn't. Whatever little walls were still standing, they came crumbling down.

Natalia leaned against the wall, and slid down the wall, sitting down with her knees to her chest.

She buried her face into her hands, and rested her arms on her knees. She cried faint, soft sobs, and let everything out.

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><p>By the time she brought her face back up to the dim light, it was drenched in tears, and the little make-up she had on was smudged all over face.<p>

Natalia's head slowly raised up, and then she closed her eyes and rested.

"What the point of going on? Of trying?" Natalia whispered to herself slowly standing herself up.

She treaded to her desk and plopped herself into the chair.

Natalia saw a useless datapad and chucked it to the side, with frustration.

"God just give me a sign!" Natalia said her voice going hoarse, looking up at the ceiling.

She put her head in her hands yet again and sobbed silently.

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><p>After another few minutes of the silent sobbing something possessed Natalia to lift her head slightly. She then saw her terminal blink.<p>

A new message appeared with the title "About Horizon..."

Natalia clicked on it and proceeded to read...

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><p>Natalia froze once she finished the message. She lowered her head only inched form her chest.<p>

"You're my reason...you're my reason to keep going..." She whispered softly aloud giving a glance at her picture of Kaidan.

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><p>Natalia came back to her desk later that night, after taking a shower, re-applying the little make-up she wore, and having dinner.<p>

She lounged herself onto her bed and put her arms over her head.

She sighed softly as a slight grin made it's way onto her face as the thought of the message he had sent her.

"I'm never going to lose hope, I'm going to always keep going." Natalia said to herself. She then repeated what she said earlier, "You're my reason...you're my reason to keep going." Natalia said before she closed her eyes and went into a deep slumber.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to read and review. Thank you again for taking the time to read this. :)<strong>

**-Pink**


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